2010: The End of The Bark?

Ernie is a teenager now - or a fine mix of teen and two year old. He knows full well how to sit, lay down and shake. He can even rollover with a little help. Ok. If you give him a push he will rollover. Ernie knows the words "bath", "Bisou" (his best buddy), "come", "foodies!", "treats!" and the famous, "Where's Josh?". He can fetch AND bring the ball back to you - a feat that most of our greyhounds never got the hang of!

My little man is well behaved and very thoughtful in many ways.... and he also has gotten old enough to selectively forget all of his hard earned rules and tricks when he wants to as well. Among his bad habits is barking. Ever since we moved into the new house: Ernie wants to be heard. He wants the neighbor dogs to hear him, for the TV to hear him, the shadow in the window and the people at the bus stop. Ernie barks when it's dinner time, when it's time to go out, when he's bored, when it's the morning, when we're in the car, on a walk and sometimes in his sleep. And I can understand! When he's barking he's talking to me - it's his main mode of communication. Ernie and I have several barky conversations everyday. I get what he's saying. Ernie says:

"If you do not put a sweater on me, I will poop on the deck. It's raining!"

He is saying things like:

"Have you seen the clock? It's 5:30. It's time to eat. Get. Off. The. Computer. Jesus woman! This is not what I pay you for!!"

And....

"Let me up on the bed! Who moved my dog stairs? What is the point of dog stairs if I cannot USE the dog stairs???"

So, I understand completely where the barking is coming from. He barks because puppy eyes don't speak loud enough. I would hate to take away his "voice" but that's the softy in me. The truth is, my dog has a barking problem and it's driving everyone else nuts.

My question is: how do you curb barking in the first place? Saying "no" doesn't work (too wimpy for Ernie), spraying water doesn't help (unless you walk around with a spray bottle like you're John Wayne walking into a ghost town) and loud startling noises don't work either so don't go and tell me to shake a can full of pennies because Ernie has been there, done that and it just don't work. A shock collar is absolutely, completely and totally not an option so I'll save you the humiliation of suggesting it because then I'll have to hate you.

What we're looking for here is a naturopathic, organic, doggie-friendly, LOVING way to say: shut the %(#*$#*(@* up. Is that possible? Is that something that even exists?? A positive re-enforcement way of suppressing the bark? Surely, I can't be the first person out there who is dealing with this.

So, because 2010 is a chosen "Year of Action" for me, the search for my perfect bark deterrent has begun! I'll be updating you on my search and how Ernie's progress plays out. Should you have any ideas or suggestions for me, please leave me a comment.

Until next time....

Follow Tacky Smack on Facebook

You can now follow Tacky Smack (my vinyl surface art and design company) on Facebook! We've been around for 2 months now and already have 344 fans - not too shabby! The website launches October 1st but you can go check it out now and sign up for our mildly fascinating/98% un-annoying, quarterly newsletter: http://www.tackysmack.com/
You can also follow us on twitter here: http://twitter.com/TackySmack
And if you live in Seattle then you should come to our launch party on Oct. 2nd at Retrofit Home
1419 12th Ave
Seattle, WA 98122-3905
(206) 568-4663

There will be dj's, champagne and a multitude of designs to choose from!
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Quick 2008/2009 Update

So many changes and so little blog posts. BIG STUFF has happened in the very long time since I last blogged. Quick catch up because I don't have time to write it all out:

1. We've lived in this awesome apartment for almost a year and a half now. We have loved it. We have so many happy memories here. Our neighbors are some of our closest friends; our community. Josh and I have changed jobs, started our own businesses, June has grown a little older and much quieter but we quit getting that fresh, local and EXPENSIVE veggies and fruit delivered to our door though. Yes, we grew a big garden instead.
2. Introducing our third family member: Mr. Ernie B. Grumbles. Ernie is a pug/chihuahua mix that has changed Josh and my life in so many ways. He is a total joy. The most pure, happy, patient and loving being. My heart. It's so super fun to have Ernie. You'll never meet someone who doesn't love Ernie.
3. We bought a house!
When our lease was up we decided to do some research just to see if we could find an entire house for something comparable to what we were currently paying. Well, folks, it took us two hours. We found a house with 500 more square feet and a fenced in yard. $5 more than what we were paying in rent. So that got us thinking: how much would a mortgage be? We started with www.redfin.com - which is a little addictive. We started to realize that a mortgage is actually something that might be possible for us. We went to a seminar. We found a real estate agent. We went to the loan officer. And I'll save you the gory details (because they ARE gory), we ended up getting a loan after lots of work - we are self-employed after all. And we nabbed us a house. It's small and on a busy street but it's twice the square footage we have now with a HUGE back yard and unfinished basement of Joshua's dreams ( DRUM SET )
Closing on Friday, moving on Saturday. DONE.

The Dynasty Dictionary

Alrighty, we're almost to the end of the first season of Dynasty and oooooohhhh what a ride it has been. I've learned a couple of things:
1. Krystal Carrington NOT Crystal Kerrington
2. Sometimes Krystal matches the wall paper
3. Steven doesn't even SLEEP without lipgloss.

We've also started a "Dynasty Dictionary" of words used in the series that we've never heard before. And we've included a couple of phrases that are, well, worth mentioning!


Faggotry : the act of being gay. When Blake used it in a sentence it was, " What should I do? Send you to the Steven Carrington Institute of Faggotry?"

Hermaphradidic : the act of getting all hermaphradidic. I think. Ask Jamie Lee Curtis and get back to us.

Masculinist: Opposite of Feminist. Don't ask.

Prevert: Pronounced PRE - VERT. I think he ment pervert but he said it wrong.

Umbilically: When a child is too attached to their parents.

SOME AMAZING QUOTES...

"The whole world is an orphan..." ~ Fallon
"Might be easier - if you weren't a wildcat!" ~ Krystal
"Her ass was dripping all over the ground." Ok. That's just what it sounded like. We even rewound!

Dynasty Boot Camp

Um kay.
I'm gonna start watching Dynasty. Like, from the very beginning. I occurred to me that I have a lot to learn about life before I turn 30 and there are certain subjects a grown woman should know about that I don't know anything about. For instance, drinking mint juleps while wearing feathered high - heel slippers just before throwing an antique chair into the fireplace in a fit of rage. You should know how to do that, right?! Right. And I don't. I'm pretty good with shoulder pads but not with swoopy bangs that could shatter glass. Pretty good at wearing sequined jumpers but not so great at breaking my nail while scratching the face of the farm boy I'm having an affair with. And Dynasty can teach me all that.

So. I guess I just wanted you guys to know that I'm gonna start my Dynasty training in two weeks. If you want to join me...you're invited. And if your man or your man-child or your baby need some Dynasty training too... you should probs bring them with you.

Cliff Notes: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dynasty_(TV_series)

P.S. I don't have a huge TV so if that's a problem you can suck it.
P.P.S. I don't have a lot of room either so be prepared to squish.
P.P.P.S. The second installment of Dynasty Boot Camp will happen in the third week of Feb. as I am in NYC for the second week of Feb. If that's a problem you can also suck it.

You Can Blog Whatever You Like..

Because I know you value my opinion sooo much I've decided to write a "Stuff Everyone Should Know About" post. Here's a list things that are currently ringing my bell.

http://www.cutethingsfallingasleep.org/
Just when you thought you had everything you needed to be a balanced, complete human. All the posts get ratings for "cuteness" and "sleepyness". I die.

http://www.upsidedowndogs.com
You know what I CAn HAZ CHEZBURGER? You can take your creepy cat fetish and just shove it. The dogs are here and they are sort of queer and totally upside down.

www.bibaexperince.com
Ok. So I listed this on my TackySmack blog as well but I'm not over it yet. Looking at this website makes me feel like I'm ready for a very big reinvention. It's just the fact that I have hips that's getting in my way. I'm not willowy. BUT. BUT!! If I was willowy I would make it my personal mission in life to walk around looking like a cross between Bianca Jagger at Studio 54 and Jane Birkin throwing a party for people she LOVES and forgot the names of. That being said, I'm getting by in my black, parachute pantsuit. If the people of Seattle think it's weird it's only because they don't live in the future like yours truly.

The chick who cuts my hair:
Scream Salon on Thomas (?) right off of Broadway. Girlfriend has different color bangs whenever I go in and it's 20 bucks for a haircut. I'm not sure how she has bleached my hair to perfection and it's still curly and touchable but she has. I love it there. You've got People and Penthouse magazines to read under the dryer and the boychild who answers the phone never writes anything down and can sit cross legged for hours. Loves it. Call Nikki. She's my lady.

Beth's Favorite:
No, it's not the name of a 1970's movie about teenage iceskaters falling in luv. It's the name of my favorite pizza. Toscana's has it: http://seattle.citysearch.com/profile/10772978 and it has white sauce with chicken, zuccini and eggplant.

Red Rock Cedar:
We went back to this house http://www.findrentals.com/7322.html on Whidbey for New Years again this year. It's a 1070's weirdo summit. It's got shag carpet, a turquoise blue kitchen, all the bathrooms are completely marble (shower+marble= unfortunate rock n' roll death. so watch out) there are two hot tubs, two jukeboxes, a dining room table that can sit 16 and is make of one, giant shellacked piece of wood, koi, a waterfall, a firepit and tons of fireplaces. Add in the designer barbies, the miniature zeppelin and the neighbors who are never home... Shit. I could live here.

Alphabeat:
It's been my new favorite for most of the last two years. If you show me something better I will change my mind but I sure haven't seen it yet. It's been difficult, if not impossible, to get their records in the US until recently. Over the summer of 2008 I met a really neat Danish guy who came to the USA, bought a motorcycle and drove across country on it. He ended up spending a month in Seattle and became a good friend of ours. About 3 months after he left I received an Alphabeat box set in the mail! Moral of the story is that this band is so darn good that connects people all over the world. Ok, maybe not but it did for me.

The Twilight Series
I have no shame. I read all four of these teen novels AND the illegally leaked manuscript for her new book online. I read 264 pages of that thing! ONLINE! I'm almost 29 years old so i probs effected my eyesight for that shiz. Worth it. Ugh. I'm going all batshit for it. Everyone with a vagina should read it. I don't care if it's Mormon. It's HOT. I gave it to all my girlfriends and the next thing you know there are 8 grown women taking up the front row at the premier of New Moon.

Do you want to see Shamu with me?

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