Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dynasty Boot Camp


Um kay.
I'm gonna start watching Dynasty. Like, from the very beginning. I occurred to me that I have a lot to learn about life before I turn 30 and there are certain subjects a grown woman should know about that I don't know anything about. For instance, drinking mint juleps while wearing feathered high - heel slippers just before throwing an antique chair into the fireplace in a fit of rage. You should know how to do that, right?! Right. And I don't. I'm pretty good with shoulder pads but not with swoopy bangs that could shatter glass. Pretty good at wearing sequined jumpers but not so great at breaking my nail while scratching the face of the farm boy I'm having an affair with. And Dynasty can teach me all that.

So. I guess I just wanted you guys to know that I'm gonna start my Dynasty training in two weeks. If you want to join me...you're invited. And if your man or your man-child or your baby need some Dynasty training too... you should probs bring them with you.

Cliff Notes: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dynasty_(TV_series)

P.S. I don't have a huge TV so if that's a problem you can suck it.
P.P.S. I don't have a lot of room either so be prepared to squish.
P.P.P.S. The second installment of Dynasty Boot Camp will happen in the third week of Feb. as I am in NYC for the second week of Feb. If that's a problem you can also suck it.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

You Can Blog Whatever You Like..

Because I know you value my opinion sooo much I've decided to write a "Stuff Everyone Should Know About" post. Here's a list things that are currently ringing my bell.

http://www.cutethingsfallingasleep.org/
Just when you thought you had everything you needed to be a balanced, complete human. All the posts get ratings for "cuteness" and "sleepyness". I die.

http://www.upsidedowndogs.com
You know what I CAn HAZ CHEZBURGER? You can take your creepy cat fetish and just shove it. The dogs are here and they are sort of queer and totally upside down.

www.bibaexperince.com
Ok. So I listed this on my TackySmack blog as well but I'm not over it yet. Looking at this website makes me feel like I'm ready for a very big reinvention. It's just the fact that I have hips that's getting in my way. I'm not willowy. BUT. BUT!! If I was willowy I would make it my personal mission in life to walk around looking like a cross between Bianca Jagger at Studio 54 and Jane Birkin throwing a party for people she LOVES and forgot the names of. That being said, I'm getting by in my black, parachute pantsuit. If the people of Seattle think it's weird it's only because they don't live in the future like yours truly.

The chick who cuts my hair:
Scream Salon on Thomas (?) right off of Broadway. Girlfriend has different color bangs whenever I go in and it's 20 bucks for a haircut. I'm not sure how she has bleached my hair to perfection and it's still curly and touchable but she has. I love it there. You've got People and Penthouse magazines to read under the dryer and the boychild who answers the phone never writes anything down and can sit cross legged for hours. Loves it. Call Nikki. She's my lady.

Beth's Favorite:
No, it's not the name of a 1970's movie about teenage iceskaters falling in luv. It's the name of my favorite pizza. Toscana's has it: http://seattle.citysearch.com/profile/10772978 and it has white sauce with chicken, zuccini and eggplant.

Red Rock Cedar:
We went back to this house http://www.findrentals.com/7322.html on Whidbey for New Years again this year. It's a 1070's weirdo summit. It's got shag carpet, a turquoise blue kitchen, all the bathrooms are completely marble (shower+marble= unfortunate rock n' roll death. so watch out) there are two hot tubs, two jukeboxes, a dining room table that can sit 16 and is make of one, giant shellacked piece of wood, koi, a waterfall, a firepit and tons of fireplaces. Add in the designer barbies, the miniature zeppelin and the neighbors who are never home... Shit. I could live here.

Alphabeat:
It's been my new favorite for most of the last two years. If you show me something better I will change my mind but I sure haven't seen it yet. It's been difficult, if not impossible, to get their records in the US until recently. Over the summer of 2008 I met a really neat Danish guy who came to the USA, bought a motorcycle and drove across country on it. He ended up spending a month in Seattle and became a good friend of ours. About 3 months after he left I received an Alphabeat box set in the mail! Moral of the story is that this band is so darn good that connects people all over the world. Ok, maybe not but it did for me.

The Twilight Series
I have no shame. I read all four of these teen novels AND the illegally leaked manuscript for her new book online. I read 264 pages of that thing! ONLINE! I'm almost 29 years old so i probs effected my eyesight for that shiz. Worth it. Ugh. I'm going all batshit for it. Everyone with a vagina should read it. I don't care if it's Mormon. It's HOT. I gave it to all my girlfriends and the next thing you know there are 8 grown women taking up the front row at the premier of New Moon.