Warning: Sticky Summertime Subways Make You Ugly
My ipod is mad. It's got a picture of a file folder and a (!) on it. It might as well say *&^&$*&&#^^!! YOU!" in neon lights. I've tried resetting it but alas, the last few days have been drowned in deafening silence. Just like Elizabeth without her diamonds, Brook without her Calvins... I am nothing without my ipod. I'm in black and white over here people! It's 105 degrees in the subway station and all I can do is listen to myself sweat.
Speaking of which, I really think I sweat twice as much out of my head than any other part of my body. I get this weird sweat beard every time I go outside. It's like my neck, cheeks and upper lip are crying. This is not a sexy conversation - I know. But neither is Manhattan in the summer time. No one looks like sleek and glistening. It's not a Beyonce video. It's hot and sticky and STINKY and crappy all the time. I drink 3 glasses of water a night. I really think that Burningman is going to be a fucking cake walk compared to this. This is like being microwaved; you're hot from the inside out. But, I must repeat, this does not LOOK hot. This looks melty and everyone waddles because they have diaper rash.
We all know what diaper rash is. Introducing, the new and improved adult version. If you're a girl and you wear a skirt and you eat so your legs touch, then you can get it. If you're a guy and you have nuts (hopefully) then you can get it. Everyone in Manhattan has it this time of year. Everyone waddles. They waddle or they walk like they just got off a horse. NOT HOT. Repeat it with me! NOT HOT!
Speaking of which, I really think I sweat twice as much out of my head than any other part of my body. I get this weird sweat beard every time I go outside. It's like my neck, cheeks and upper lip are crying. This is not a sexy conversation - I know. But neither is Manhattan in the summer time. No one looks like sleek and glistening. It's not a Beyonce video. It's hot and sticky and STINKY and crappy all the time. I drink 3 glasses of water a night. I really think that Burningman is going to be a fucking cake walk compared to this. This is like being microwaved; you're hot from the inside out. But, I must repeat, this does not LOOK hot. This looks melty and everyone waddles because they have diaper rash.
We all know what diaper rash is. Introducing, the new and improved adult version. If you're a girl and you wear a skirt and you eat so your legs touch, then you can get it. If you're a guy and you have nuts (hopefully) then you can get it. Everyone in Manhattan has it this time of year. Everyone waddles. They waddle or they walk like they just got off a horse. NOT HOT. Repeat it with me! NOT HOT!
posted by In California Dreamin. at
10:43 PM
2 Comments:
Funny stuff!
Dude, you have a way with words. I've been there in late July before and I know of this diaper rash. That and the stinky summer dumpsters stand out in my memory. I'm sorry it's miserable I hope you get a refreshing rain (and a fixed ipod) soon!
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