Little Girl, Big City
When it rains here, it pours. That's the truth and it's sure is a metaphor too.
I quit my job. I quit my job and that fact makes me feel like a failure, sort of confused and really panicked. Is panicked a word? But I had to quit - I was caught in a really bizarre situation: a really abusive work place. People yelling at each other was the norm, almost the only way they communicated. I was stressed out by being yelled at for things I didn't understand. Who gets yelled at their first day? The day before I left, two of the employees got in a fight. One actually threatened to "fucking punch you in the face!" I found myself feeling sick on the subway on the way to work. I quit and I'm still afraid of them freaking out on me over the phone or suing me or something. Ridiculous. Brianna called me this morning and told me that when a person is in an abnormally stressful environment, eventually their body chemistry actually changes to survive it. Post traumatic stress. I'm certainly not saying that is what I'm going through now, but I guarantee my chemistry would have changed should I have had to say more than 6 months there.
So I'm taking it as a sign. I'm going to get a part time job and start acting. I have an audition on Saturday.
You know what I feel like? Remember puberty? Remember your brain on puberty? Now, I'm not talking 13 year old boy brain. I'm talkin 13 year old lady brain. You have absolutely no idea who you are, where you're headed, what you like, who you like, ect. I'm real confused right now. What I DO know: I don't want to leave NYC. I understand that this city has well known growing pains. Everybody feels them. Doin it right now. Somebody give me an aspirin! I got da growin pains!
Grateful For:
1. Being far away from models and those who shepherd them.
2. Having a weird and warm group of friends in NYC.
3. The advice of my Seattle friends.
New Things To Like About NYC:
1. Thunder and Lighting Storms!
I quit my job. I quit my job and that fact makes me feel like a failure, sort of confused and really panicked. Is panicked a word? But I had to quit - I was caught in a really bizarre situation: a really abusive work place. People yelling at each other was the norm, almost the only way they communicated. I was stressed out by being yelled at for things I didn't understand. Who gets yelled at their first day? The day before I left, two of the employees got in a fight. One actually threatened to "fucking punch you in the face!" I found myself feeling sick on the subway on the way to work. I quit and I'm still afraid of them freaking out on me over the phone or suing me or something. Ridiculous. Brianna called me this morning and told me that when a person is in an abnormally stressful environment, eventually their body chemistry actually changes to survive it. Post traumatic stress. I'm certainly not saying that is what I'm going through now, but I guarantee my chemistry would have changed should I have had to say more than 6 months there.
So I'm taking it as a sign. I'm going to get a part time job and start acting. I have an audition on Saturday.
You know what I feel like? Remember puberty? Remember your brain on puberty? Now, I'm not talking 13 year old boy brain. I'm talkin 13 year old lady brain. You have absolutely no idea who you are, where you're headed, what you like, who you like, ect. I'm real confused right now. What I DO know: I don't want to leave NYC. I understand that this city has well known growing pains. Everybody feels them. Doin it right now. Somebody give me an aspirin! I got da growin pains!
Grateful For:
1. Being far away from models and those who shepherd them.
2. Having a weird and warm group of friends in NYC.
3. The advice of my Seattle friends.
New Things To Like About NYC:
1. Thunder and Lighting Storms!
posted by In California Dreamin. at
6:04 PM
2 Comments:
hey sweetie pie. kev used to be amazed at how violent sounding normal communications were in the NY office he worked at (receptionists ripping delivery guys a new one was most common). I'm sure a modeling agency is 1000 times worse - but, I bet, most places are gonna be blunt at best?
Blunt is fine. Direct is great. I don't like people who waste my time. But hungry AND mean? That's just a nightmare.
P.S. You are my favorite pregnant person.
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