Sometimes is scary to look forward but it might be scarier to look back...

When I was in college I was assigned to keep a journal for my acting classes. I look back now and wonder, was I supposed to be keeping a writen dialogue about what I had learned in class that day or what I was thinking about during that class. No matter now. I wrote about the latter.
I look back at those diaries frequently in my adult life. I recall all the wonderful things and the horrible terrible things happening to me at that time. The pangs of your first love, the horror when that first love relationship ends, the sweetness of independence, the hunger pains because you have to eat ramen because books cost 200 dollars. An awesome time.
I think that is what I want when I think of changing my life and moving to New York. I'm looking forward to new and hard experiences. I understand that they are what makes me who I am . I am glad for the struggle. I will drink it up and swallow it and know that it makes me more of the woman I want to be. I can see her but I must make changes in my life to manafest her.
I leave for New York in three weeks. I'm pretty sure that this short vacation will change my maliaize. My passivness. Sometimes I feel as though I am letting my life happen to me instead of making it happen. Life is living me instead of me living my life. I want to LIVE. I want to have LIFE!
Anyway, I was reading those diaries today and the result was two fold: I need to write more about my life. I need to journalize not only to get stuff on paper (well computer screen in this case) but also to look back on and learn from later. I also learned that I wanted more for myself in 1998. I expected to be in a different place in 2005 than I am right now. Do I sit back and write about who I want to be in 2010 or do I learn something from my life and START TO WALK TOWARD THE POINT I WANT TO REACH? I'm going to start the journey.