In the beginning...

I've been reading ramblings on blogger for a while now. Today, as I sit home sick, coughing, medicine headish in my chair - I decided it's time I start one. I've been doing a lot of personal work in my head lately. I'm preparing myself to move to New York city from where I'm currently located: Seattle, Washington.
Seattle has blessed me. My beautiful chosen family is here. My burning man group, Flight To Mars has widened my vision, electrified my creative impluses, and made an evil genius of me in the last few years. My life here is colorful and unique. I've learned to apprieciate the rain and the concrete. I've found a love for apartments and traffic sounds. The city lights at night, so high in the sky.
Still, it's not home. It's not my ending place. I love it here and I know that I've been here much too long. I'm excited for that wave of emotion you get when you move; "I can see just how unhappy I've been."
I feel unwritten, unfinished and sometimes only half awake right now. Sometimes I wonder if I'm blaming the right element. Maybe its not the city, maybe it's just my age. Who really knows where the hell they are going at 25?
I am ready to work. I'm ready to wake up in the morning and be inspired by what is coming. I want to feel like I'm on a path to what I want. I want to know what I want and I want to know how to get there. I want to know how to get there and I want to believe that it is possible. I want to be inspired by my process. I want to sweat and write and build and stress. I want to strive for better even if this is the best I've done so far. I want to challenge myself.
I can't do this in Seattle. I know that. It's too relaxed. The way people communicate here is in words and dreams but nothing ever seems to come from it. Seattle art is all talk. Seattle art is cash poor. Seattle art is inspired and weird. I love that so much. When I say "seattle art" I mean all of it, visual, gorilla, fashion, theater, sound, improv, ect. I know these comments might make some people mad but I feel sick of being appologetic. I want to really create something detailed and different and new. Not even remotely a take off on some other idea.
I'm willing to believe that this is possible in Seattle. I'm just not o.k. with waitingg for it. Or waiting to find motivated people to do it with me. Dare I say, I'm not willing to take part in it if it cropped up here right now because I want to leave. I've been let down enough times. Gotta go. Seattle, I've got to break up with you. I love you and I'm sorry it didn't work out.
So I'm saving money, I really need to go visit and make it real. I have a place to stay in NYC, a hypothetical job too. I kinda need to get planted there before I know for sure, but it's a good bet. If it doesn't work out, ah well. I feel like if I go there and breath a little air, pound the pavement - it will be real to me. It will send me home with a fire in my belly. I really need that right now. I'll do anything to just get my head in the right space. That's what this blog is for. Preparing myself for the jouney. Right down the dialogue in my head.