On Burningman, Being Alone and Going Home

Burningman was fantastic. You know, every year you learn something profound from the event. And I'm not talking about "if I don't drink enough water I get cranky." There's always a big break through to be found out there in the desert. For me, my fourth year at Burningman was full of indescribable pulling. Feelings that can't really be put into words. Like I could feel the polls pushing me in new and different directions.
I've mentioned that I'm going through the Artist's Way program before. As a result, I'm begining to redefine my notions about god. I've become more comfortable talking to the universe. I see signs that the universe lays out for me. So, perhaps, I'm more susceptible to guidance than I've been in recent years.
Morgan said, "We're all alone in life. The sooner we realize it, the better off we are. We are alone - which is empowering as much as it is sad. But once we accept it, we can better appreciate those in our life who love us." I think that's true. It also helps us let everyone around us be who they are instead of trying to mold them into a version that better suits us.
Carey and Benni both talked about choices. All we have are choices, it's up to us to realize this and then make the best choices for us. Like Carey said, "the funny thing about life right now is that we have a these choices - not many concrete people, places or things but choices about how to find them. It's radically freeing and horribly terrifying all at once." She's right. But then again, it's safe to say that Carey Christie is right about everything. In my world anyway.
So I came back to New York clearer about the fact that I'm alone, I act as a singular individual. It may seem simple to everyone else but I feel that I make decisions all the time that have nothing to do with me. I'm always trying to be what others expect me to be. I let them rule out of guilt. Where the mounds of guilt comes from - I'll leave that for next year. But after I left the playa I became really relieved of responsibility to others. It turns out that responsibility to ME is pretty easy so far.
And speaking of universal signs, when my cell phone finally came back in service (there's none in the desert) there were two messages:
1. Did you need a place to live? I've got a big house on Beacon Hill that you can live in while I'm gone. (this from two good friends who also escaped Manhattan)
2. Did you need a job? Just tell me when.

I'm coming home. The tides of relief are cresting - I've been sleeping up to 10 hours a night. My mind and my body are relaxing. I don't really feel the need to explain my reasons; they're mine. And I don't really need anyone's opinion. I'll just say that still waters run deep, especially this time around.